Daytime Television

While I've been home lately, I've been leaving the TV on in the background because I abhor silence and enjoy rotting my brain. For those of you that don't have the pleasure of being jobless or just don't watch television, the commercials they put on while normal people are at work seem to be targeting very specific groups of people. According to my extensive research, there are 6 types of advertisements you will see while watching TV between roughly 8AM and 4PM.

#6. Vonage

Because people without jobs can't afford telephones. Makes me feel better about myself, because I have a phone.


#5. Beauty/Weight loss Products

Shady-looking ads for products with funny science-y sounding names that promise to get rid of stretch marks, vericose veins, dark under-eye circles or whatever else ails you. Either that, or diet products that don't work. This also makes me feel better about myself, because I wouldn't need to buy them even if they did work.


#4. Structured Settlement Ads

JG Wentworth, Peachtree, etc. So if you filed a lawsuit and won money, you can get a lump sum to pay off loan sharks or your dealer or whatever. These commercials make me feel bad because they operate under the faulty assumption that I have money coming in at all.


#3. Community Colleges

These will either be ads for ITT Tech, University of Phoenix, or local community colleges. They all feel very strongly about the importance of a degree of some sort in either a) criminal justice, b) engineering, or c) criminal justice. They really push that one, because it sounds fun and if you're sitting at home watching a Law and Order marathon, very achievable. These commercials make me feel annoyed because I know they're full of crap. Also, I can't afford to go back to school, not that it'd be ITT Tech if I could.


#2. Credit Score/Bankruptcy Commercials

Evidently, everyone watching daytime TV has very, very bad credit. Except me, I think mine is okay. Makes me feel good about myself, because I don't need to file for bankruptcy. Yet.


#1. Binder & Binder
These commercials are bizarre and poorly executed, which I guess appeals to old people. They must be doing pretty well for themselves, though, because there's at least 2 of them every commercial break. There's one on as I'm typing this, as a matter of fact. I feel like there's some hidden significance to the guy putting on his weird Indiana Jones hat as he's talking to the camera, but I can't seem to determine what it is. I'm guessing it's a secret message that only people 65+ can understand. Something to look forward to, I suppose.


Now if you ever find yourself home from work with the flu and watching TV, you know what to expect!